He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
