Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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