Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
