I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize