He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My vagina is officially offended.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
