I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
