Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
