This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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