you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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