Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
