Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
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There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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