You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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