you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
