I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
