True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
