Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
