I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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