your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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