So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
