I am puke
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We were destined to go to rehab together
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
