I think I died a long time ago.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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