i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
