how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
