My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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