he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
a search helicopter?!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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