): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
