yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
