She's JV to your varsity
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
my poor anus
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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