I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
