At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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