i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
