my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
