You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
