Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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