Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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