if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
