I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
