I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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