I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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