Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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