I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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