The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
