We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
