Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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