Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
