we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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