Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
