i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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