I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
