I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
