i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
