I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
