heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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