Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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