Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
