I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
tell your sister to shave her snatch
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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