Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
