Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
