just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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