Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
These tits shall not be calmed
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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