so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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