Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
