the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
