wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
